TARA MANDARANO
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • Published Work

An Hour Of My Own

4/23/2017

3 Comments

 
Picture
An hour of my own; that's all it takes to make me happy on this Sunday. Usually I retreat to a room and close myself away, losing myself in a book or magazine. But this morning I wanted to be out in the fresh air, like the flowers and the buds and the trees. I wanted to enjoy the sun's rays on my face and feel the light breeze on the back of my neck.

So I decided to stick to my recent resolution of trying to walk a little bit every day. And you know what? I did it for sixty minutes, and It felt glorious. Freeing. Empowering. Before I went, I wondered whether to wear earbuds and listen to some music, but I'm glad I didn't. The birds that sometimes drive me nuts with their chirping didn't today. I got to say "good morning" to the few people I encountered along the way who actually made eye contact. I also wasn't so buried in myself and my own world for a change, so I saw when a little boy's ball went bouncing toward the street. I was able to catch it.

At the halfway point, I debated whether to get an ice coffee or not. Would the calories undo my physical work? Did I really need it? In the end, I decided to be kind to myself and let myself have it. It quenched my thirst and made me happy, so why shouldn't I drink it?

I wondered what my husband and daughter were making at her art class as I walked by myself. I was glad I had asked him to take her in the first place. Why shouldn't he take a turn? I smiled as I thought about them getting glue and paint all over the place. Usually I would be fighting to keep my cool and my patience. With a little time to myself, though, my nerves finally felt calm and at peace.

Yesterday I found out that my hormone levels are practically menopausal, which is not great news when you're only 39. My naturopath looked at me and said, "No wonder you've feeling extra anxious and down lately!"

It was a validation of sorts. I came home to tell my husband that maybe I wasn't crazy after all, that there really was something wrong with the hormones inside me. He looked at me and said, "I never thought you were crazy. Don't call yourself that. At least now we have more information, so we can figure out how to fix it."

And you know what? He's right. And I'm incredibly lucky that I have someone so supportive of my mental health. It will probably be a while before I feel better and more like myself again, but taking time out to be alone, reflect, and gather my strength helps me face the day and my family with a lighter heart. My best friend and my best girl deserve that. I do, too.

When I was nearly home again, I came across these lovely little yellow flowers planted in a neighbour's garden. They looked so cheerful and determined, and I thought to myself: my soul is like those flowers. It's been beaten down and tossed about by the elements, the rain and wind that comes into all our lives, but it still wants to persevere, to bloom, to show its face to the sun. To become what's it meant to be all along.

3 Comments
Jhilmil link
4/23/2017 17:00:34

This is lovely! I wonder if you're interested in submitting it to an anthology I'm curating on mental health.. submission details here..

https://medium.com/bhor/submit-to-bhor-anthology-64682b04f7a8

Reply
Amy
8/28/2017 01:33:40

This is so incredible, Thank you so much for sharing this. I too suffered and still and working through postpartum depression. I have the same mental battles in my head and are embracing more alone time for myself. I've actually created a support group to help other women with the same struggles and build each other up. I really enjoy reading your blog! Keep it up love, YOU are making a difference in this world and You are powerful <3

Reply
Tara Mandarano
8/28/2017 13:38:24

Thank you so much for reading, Amy, and for taking the time to comment! You've made my day with your kind words. :)

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Picture

    Tara Mandarano

    is a writer, editor, and poet. Her writing ​has been nominated for the Best-of-the Net, and has appeared in The Washington Post, Huffington Post, Today's Parent, and Motherwell, among numerous other publications. She is a passionate patient advocate in the chronic pain and mental health communities. She also does on-camera interviews, and most recently shared her experience of what it's like to go through a separation during a pandemic. She graduated from Ryerson University with a degree in Journalism. Interested in her writing or editing, or want to work together? Check out her contact page. Don't forget to follow her on Twitter,  Instagram. and LinkedIn.

      Never miss a post!

    Subscribe to Newsletter

    Archives

    March 2020
    February 2020
    November 2019
    July 2019
    May 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    July 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    January 2018
    November 2017
    September 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

    Picture
    I'm Published by Mamalode!
    Picture
Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • Published Work