TARA MANDARANO
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I Love My Body, but I Want To Be Comfortable In It.

12/5/2018

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Last night I attended an eye-opening workshop hosted by the lovely @thebodyloveco at HER Place. It was about loving our bodies as they are, letting go of the constant stream of negative thoughts we may have about them, and healing ourselves from past hurts.

I went to this event in the middle of a fibromyalgia flare, so I wasn't feeling too happy with my knees and ankles or back when it started, since I was in discomfort and pain.

How do you embrace a bag of bones that always seems to be aching? It's an ongoing struggle when you have a chronic illness.

On a scale of 1 to 10 on how much I loved my body, I gave myself a 3. I filled out another questionnaire and found out I'm in the "body loather" category. This made me sad.

My husband was shocked when I came home and showed him my results, but I wasn't. I haven't really been friends with my body in the past 10 years or so, ever since fibro made its appearance in my life and my weight fluctuated 30-40 pounds from the effects of pregnancy, PCOS, prediabetes and insulin resistance.

I still remember a kind woman congratulating me on my second pregnancy a couple years ago when there was no baby in my belly, just extra bulk. It stung, but I could see where she was coming from.

Now I just want to work on continuing to show up for myself, and not criticising my body, either verbally or mentally. Also, I don't want to hide from my husband when I change clothes.

I'm learning that I can be kinder to myself while still working on myself and trying to lose weight. That's what taking selfies is all about for me. A radical visual example of self love. Maybe I don't show my tummy or hips that much, but I focus on the parts of me that I AM happy with, and it's enough.
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    Tara Mandarano

    is a writer, editor, and poet. Her writing ​has been nominated for the Best-of-the Net, and has appeared in The Washington Post, Huffington Post, Today's Parent, and Motherwell, among numerous other publications. She is a passionate patient advocate in the chronic pain and mental health communities. She also does on-camera interviews, and most recently shared her experience of what it's like to go through a separation during a pandemic. She graduated from Ryerson University with a degree in Journalism. Interested in her writing or editing, or want to work together? Check out her contact page. Don't forget to follow her on Twitter,  Instagram. and LinkedIn.

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